Ophenia's Life~~

累到一定程度了。脑袋不想动了。连个题目都懒得想了。

交完所有作业之后，跟朋友跑去看了场澳式橄榄球。星期一晚上，领略了一下墨尔本人为之疯狂的运动。从来未在墨尔本见过那么多人，还是一个星期一的晚上，整个体育场基本上坐满了。而且这个是季度性比赛，每周都有赛事，估计每周都那么多人。跟美式橄榄球的规则有点不一样。不过也一样地暴力和触动人心。

参加一ｍｂａ朋友的毕业典礼，跟所有毕业典礼流程一样，跟去年我的毕业典礼也一样，一样有学术权杖，一样是教授们满座高堂。唯一另我惊讶的是一届ｍｂａ就有那么多毕业生，估计上百个，墨尔本大学的mba是全球前30的，似乎mba再也没那么精贵了，平均年龄也不不超过30岁。大家也应该开始对mba不必抱有崇拜的心理，唯一能确定的是他们很有钱才能读得起那么贵的课程，然后到底读出来的是什么，就因人而异了。

周末在我家开了个考试前聚会，大家各显身手下厨，忙了一下午。难得能约到那么多人，每个人都忙着不同的事情，很忙很忙。我累了。我要歇一下。五月剩下的时间，深秋的墨尔本，让我什么都不做（除了实习，不能跟老板说不做就不做的），歇一下。

某天走在路上，猛然发现我许久没有抬头看过天空了，因为一直都在边走路边想着要做的事情，低着头。给我点抬头看天的时间吧。。。

太久没有写了。太忙了。有太多想法都忘记了，因为没有及时记下。现在只好边想边写，可能逻辑没那么好，因此命名为杂记。

那么就从事情开始说起吧，之后再谈谈想法。

我为什么消失了2个月？

完全就是因为那个烦人的翻译课程，本人考三级英汉翻译证，所以参加了一个为期5个月的课程，强度很大， 从去年12月到上周结束。暑假期间，1月到2月，我还选了大学里的暑假课程；另外，大学的正式学期从3月开始。所以，基本上我是一直在上比别人多一倍的课程，没有停过，当然，作业也是别人的两倍。特别是3月和4月，脑里就只有作业，见到英文就想译成中文，或者就是在想大学的课程，简直是地狱式生活。再加上偶尔带一下团，以及有时间空都去跑步，party，所以，我消失了2个月。

收获？

虽然现在还不知道翻译证考过了没有，加上现在有消息说这个证已经没有用了，但是，经过地狱式训练，感觉英文又进了一大步。这点非常重要，而且是终身受益的，特别是我这种搞营销的人，语言是最重要的工具。获益匪浅。其次，给自己一次极限性考验，原来我的极限那么大，这么繁重的任务下，还可以抽空做了很多事情，例如找到了专业相关的实习，看f1，出去玩之类，哈哈，还是aiesec学来的座右铭：work hard, play harder。 :-) 之前有点迷失在忙碌中，谢谢各位的留言，很有鼓励作用！后来静下来，慢慢想，觉得自己太急功近利了，还是需要定好目标，然后再向着标杆努力。

时间

原来觉得这个硕士要读两年，好长哦。谁知道现在第一年的课程快结束了。回望一路走来，确实收获很大，具体的就是专业问题啦，有空再说。剩下的时间已经不多了，要完成的还有很多。真是要自强不息啊~~~以前同学结婚的消息不断传来，而且是各位好友的婚讯，真的让我感到有压力啦。哈哈，放心，我会尽量回来参加的！点可以缺少我呢~~~我呢，还未站稳脚跟，还有很多东西需要建立，家庭还未排上我的日程表里。抓紧时间享受自由的时间。。。哈哈哈

没有什么遗憾的

确实没有，可能选择没有在国内工作，或者没有像其他aiesecer一样再参加的其他国家的实习，有一定的损失。可是，没有任何一个决定是完美的，每个决定都会有机会成本。至少到现在为止，我觉得从长远计划来说，来墨尔本大学读商科的决定是相对正确的。

薰衣草

澳洲确实有很漂亮的熏衣草，我也有那种舒服的亚麻衬衫，应该在明媚阳光下，薰衣草从里的故事，没有发生。

求医

前两个月，第一次去看医生，不是因为病，而是因为要打预防针。这里的诊所都感觉不像诊所，跟普通的办公室相差不大。见过医生，他也没穿白大褂，跟我很平常地聊天，感觉在看心理医生似的。护士提我打针，连用酒精棉签消毒都不需要，一戳就搞定。我好奇地问了，她说棉签已经过时了，我们身体其实都很干净，不需要消毒啦。呵呵。非常好，很环保。看来我太out了。

旅游大计

来澳洲9个月了，机场经常去，旅游车经常坐，可是我的旅游计划一点都未开始实行。first destination，凯恩斯大堡礁！之后再考虑黄金海岸跳伞，再到悉尼堪培拉，然后是塔斯马尼亚看国家公园，之后就是柏斯的阳光海滩，中澳洲沙漠。~~~想象中。。。可惜现在没有钱，没有时间。7月应该是先杀去第一个目的地。之后再说。

想法

写到这里，变得没什么想法了，一步一步慢慢走，总会让我走到想去的地方。我不算非常聪明，所以，想要有骄人的成绩，就需要付出比别人更多的努力。毋庸置疑。

好，报告完毕，煮饭，看书去。

you are right, it seems that I am doing a lot of things, it seems that i know what i am doing, but in fact, i don’t.

you are right, i need a long & not busy time to figure out this question.

you are right, it is necessary  for me to get out of all my constrains and think from a strategic level.

four weeks has passed since new semester began. four more weeks, translation exam is coming. running from campus to campus every day, after one another assignment deadlines, i am so tired every night before going to bed.

I ask myself, what am i doing?

my actual statue is so far away from my expected statue. why am i even here? did i pick the wrong way? or i keep choosing things not even suitable to me? where are my iq and eq ??

on the other hand, i believe i can be there , one day, one day. just haven’t known how and when.

fighting alone is scary…too frighten to tell.

to settle a footprint in melbourne, is not easy, not a very pleasant experience. maybe this is the real world, I just didn’t know this before. These are changing me, in a way i really don’t like to be changed. I want myself back!!

some said the most typical feature of this morden world is fast pace.

It is.

why every thing needs to be so fast? we need to work efficiently, get most things done within least time. we even walk so fast nowadays. I used to say, busy is my type. But what am I busy for? if I finish early, what next? followed by another busy day.

life style in Auss is compeariably slower, yet sometimes could be really fast too. 7 days, a lot could happen, or nothing will move foward.

too fast.

in this busy crazy semester of mine, can't afford another fast-pace thing. just plz let me relax, keep taking pictures, have the time to discover the beautiful things around me...

Don’t have much time already, I am not in a situation which allows me to be down in mood. Too many things need to do. More important things.

Grown from mistake. It’s good, actually. Now I know what to cherish, what to abolish, and what to finish.

Individualist culture gives people more choices in life, I believe. However, the downside of it is too many choices equals no choice. Too difficult to find the right choice even if you know what you want. Never mention if you don’t know what you want, then you are just living by chance. Live the day, as some people say, but not my type.

Wake up in the morning, be thankful for still being alive in this wonderful and painful world. Should be grateful for still have chance to choose. :)

What is religion do to the real world? I think it’s something to help people explain the real world or escape from real world.

Sometimes I hate that my calmness and rationality make me be too nice to some thing I shouldn’t be. When I need those rationality, they are always hidden somewhere, could never find them. Thus, doing stupid things all the time even though I know they are stupid things.

Fine. I stop trying or hoping. Because every time I tried, just made myself more confused and vulnerable.

My idea of life(maybe too ideal ) seems not base in real world, or it is based on pessimism not optimism.

Emotion is like water, flooding downward without my awareness, evaporating when encounter something hot, turning into an ice sword and hurt me when surrounding is cold.

Maybe I just don’t deserve good endings, I deserve punishment, I know.

OK, just keep myself busy with what I have to do, live my life in low profile for sometime.

本命年的考验吧。不愉快，困难的，麻烦的事情都在牛年的第一个月涌过来。

I thought I know what I want. It turns out that those are nothing important, which I could not get as well.

Every time I said, I am fine. I wish I were really fine.

We are too small in this world to figure out what is happening, to see the big picture. I tried, am trying, and keep trying.

Have been telling myself, this is exactly the reason I decided to come here, to get into difficulties, to conquer obstacles, to grow faster in adverse circumstances, to be brave be tough be tolerance be strong enough to fight.

But what am I fighting for?? what is the reason??

I am lost, when I did my reflection every night, when I walked on the beach feeling the breeze, when my mobile rang about the next job, when sat on the train watching couples sharing each others accompany, when went for a run passing lovers enjoying the view and their picnic on river bank, when rushed across the road with parents teaching their kids how to read traffic lights, when every time the thought of “I could not see grandma again in my life” float across my mind.

I am supposed to be strong, was and will.

However, it feels like one single tiny little thing could break my heart now. too vulnerable , way too weak, that is not me.

Life is simple. family, lover, friends, and cherish the rest components with them.

Family is the reason I am in this world, the responsibility I am willing to carry in the rest of my life.

Lover is a luxury to me, my name seems not on the list of little Mr Cupid , his arrows always fly pass me by my side.

Friends, I love you all, miss you all.

My problem is always setting high standard for myself. I couldn’t help, and already get used to it. Here comes the dilemma of keep torturing myself with it.

Forget it, all nonsense. I will be fine.

婆婆走了，８３高龄，大年廿七，正午过半。

葬礼。今天。

我到不了。不是说好要坚强，要等我读完书回去的吗？！我还记得你手心的温度。为什么就没有等。。。